Synonyms: Stalls; put-offs; incompletes; irritants. Tolerations are things that bug us, sap our energy and could be eliminated! Tasks that we haven’t completed, relationships that cause friction, expectations of others that we don’t have to meet but can’t drop, behavior of others that irritate or impede our progress or comfort. As much as 80% of our lives involve carrying tolerations around. Tolerations are holes in our success cup, draining our energy. In draining you—they make you feel less attractive to yourself. They even create deeper problems, involving our self-esteem.
Tolerations often represent compromises you have made to keep peace or to avoid confrontations. When you tolerate these conditions, you and your work become mediocre and creativity is dumped. When you stop, you’ll be happier, more fun, won’t be busy tending to “ego-bruises.”
- How to know about your progress:
- You don’t let yourself near situations that will cause problems for you.
- You catch yourself before you get there.
- Take pride in standing up for yourself.
- You go farther than usual to correct or improve things.
- You develop confidence to speak up and change things.
- Draining people walk away from you—they know you don’t tolerate them.
Realize what tolerations do and why you have so many. Tolerations are brakes on your personal development. We hook up with tolerations in order to feel more secure, especially in key relationships. Tolerations require energy and hold down our potentials. Resolve to grant yourself more freedom.
Make a list of 25 things you are tolerating in your life. Write them down. Let your eyes see them. How did they come about? Include all categories. Identify the benefits of having and maintaining your toleration. Most people don’t like them but they are working for you in some way helping you avoid issues or to procrastinate. It’s important to recognize and admit, just how your tolerations are paying off for you. Study the list and identify the hard and soft costs of those tolerations. Decide whether it’s worth it for you to evolve into a tolerations-free zone.
Basically, it’s an internal change or shift. Tolerations become no longer acceptable to you, so you identify and eliminate them. Helps you learn eliminate them before they can become long-standing habits. Pick the costliest toleration on your list and eliminate it completely. Create a situation in which it will never come up again. Tell close people about this new approach. Let them know you aspire to be toleration free. Tell them what has become “not-O.K.” with you. Find a friend, coach or therapist to support you.
Work on reducing your list on a consistent basis and feel the gain in personal energy as you cross them off the list. Make some important infrastructure and goal changes to support your progress.